I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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