Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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