I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
