My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ttyl tear gas
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
