things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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