He uses pillows to masturbate.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
