just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
