hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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