...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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