I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
