i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
