I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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