Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
