My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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