she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
