Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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