the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
