Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
