from now on my penis is your penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
