Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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