I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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