giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
