Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
