oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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