i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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