Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
