I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
