Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
