just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
