please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have post one night stand depression
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
