Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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