I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
