mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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