you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
