you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
