i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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