you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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