best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
