I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
