My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
