I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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