She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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