I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
