I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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