You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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