Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
