I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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