Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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