can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize