I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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