I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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