worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize