which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
