All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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