Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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