Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Randomize
