i would punch a child for taco bell
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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