I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
