she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
