i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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