i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
