i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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