he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize