I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
