At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
