I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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