I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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