We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
