Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
