Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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