3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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