shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
