I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
