Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
