you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
