but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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